Without question, November 22, 1984 marked the absolute low point of my life. It was on that date as I sat in my car upon a mountain top in western Colorado that I realized once and for all how utterly helpless I was in and of myself. It was on that day that I reached the point of complete brokenness. There is no doubt in my mind that due to my state, the Lord was able to do what I had tried unsuccessfully to do for years and that was to fight my battles.
After innumerable attempts to get me to see the light on this matter, I believe the Lord led me to that mountaintop to help me once and for all understand that HE must fight the enemy and not me, that HE is the protector and defender of my life and not me and that HE called and promised me that HE would never leave or forsake me NO MATTER WHAT.
After slaying all the prophets of Baal, Elijah went to a cave and asked God to take his life. He was tired, utterly worn out and as we would call it today—wasted. I can sort of relate to how that great man of God felt but then again I have no clue how a man feels after physically killing hundreds of the enemy’s top men.
God did not honor Elijah’s request at that time but instead demanded that he first find Elisha and teach him everything he knew so that he could carry on and do even greater things than he had done in his lifetime. After Elijah did what God called him to do, he literally got the ride of his life as God took him away in a chariot of fire.
I am no Elijah, not by a long shot, but I do understand what happened with him and believe that the same sort of thing happened in my life. For entirely different reasons, I reached the point on November 22nd of that year where I was asking God to take me home to Him. I had nothing left to give inside of me. I was drained, worn out, beaten down and harassed day and night by my personal failures and sins.
What happened that morning, I believe, was God letting me know that there were still things left in this life He needed me to do and that it was not time for me to go home yet. It took me years to understand the whys and wherefores of what happened that day, but in due time I did see why the Lord required I stick around for what has now been close to 30 years.
I used to believe that in order to be important to God, I must minister to the multitudes, preach to the thousands and be someone everyone recognized as a great man of God. What God showed me in no uncertain terms that morning in 1984 was the utter fallacy of such thinking. He proved to me that loving, fighting for and standing with one person is the greatest thing any of us can do in this life, for that is what He did for me.
God made me a promise on August 24th of 1969 that as long as the candle burns in the darkness, He would always be with me to help, guide and protect me as long as my heart stayed committed to Him. Even though I thought in 1984 that God hated me because of all I had done, in reality God knew my heart and knew that I still loved Him and was broken because I did not believe I could still serve Him.
All I know about that day is that Jesus Christ personally fought satan for my life. Satan claimed I was his to kill due to my expressed intention to end my life and Jesus claimed I was His due to my lifelong commitment to Him. In due time, Jesus played His trump card and the battle was over. As soon as Jesus confirmed that He had given His life for me 2000 years ago to redeem me and that because I was a child of God satan had no rights over my life; the battle immediately ended for satan knew the legality of my redemption.
Just as He had done when he saved the woman caught in adultery from being stoned, so Jesus saved me from the wrath of satan whose claims of condemnation worthy of death were rebuked by the righteousness of Jesus Christ. Just as in the case of the woman, Jesus told me “go and sin no more”. Jesus did not demand I hang on a cross for my sins because He already did that for me 2000 years ago. Jesus did not demand I get a big “S” on my forehead to signify I was a sinner. All Jesus demanded was that I go and sin no more.
After the battle, I know in my heart that Jesus lifted my broken and wasted body and soul and carried me to a place where He personally ministered to me. I believe He reached deep within me and tenderly put the pieces of my broken heart back together again. Jesus did not transform me into a glowing Moses or some kind of superman. No, He simply breathed back into me the breath of life and let me know that in His due time He would lead me to where He wanted me to be to do what HE wanted me to do.
Holding onto that promise, I had the strength to make it through what turned out to the three most difficult years of my life. Sure enough, in His due time He fulfilled His Word and through incredible miracles, He moved heaven and earth to enable me to spend my life ministering to one person at a time.
I have decided that the greatest thing I can do for you is to open my heart and share with you the incredible story of how God took me from the state of hopelessness, brokenness and utter despair to His promised land of inner peace, fulfillment and contentment. I pray that as I share things in the coming days and weeks that God works in your heart to see what He has done and will do for you and your situation.
As always; Blessings 2 You